Dating While Seperated-Take Time To Get It All Straight
The first stage to divorce is separation. Sometimes it is a legal separation where the paperwork is filed and lawyers get involved, other times it is more informal and one of you chooses to move out of the home. In either case, dating while separated can pose a lot of difficulties down the road.
By the time a couple decides to officially end their marriage they have probably gone through a lot. They are most likely ready and anxious to move on with the next phase of their life. They may have even already met someone who they are interested in.
The problem is that according to the law you are still legally married. Depending on the state you live in and it’s rules this could present problems for you later in your divorce.
These problems may be compounded if there are any prenuptial agreements in place. Now, just to be clear, I am not an attorney and I am not providing legal advice just some things to think about.
Also, the laws regarding dating while separated can vary dramatically from one state to the next so it is important for you to know what your rights and responsibilities are in that regard.
Your spouse may be able to use your dating against you at later stages in your divorce. This could potentially effect your alimony or settlement. In most cases it will be more about you having sex outside of the marriage rather than just dating.
Though, it will be virtually impossible for you to prove you didn’t have sex with someone else if you are out dating.
At the end of the day you need to talk to your lawyer to find out what, if any, pitfalls you may face if you decide to start dating before your divorce is final. In most cases you may just have to wait.
If that is what your lawyer advises you, that you have to wait, you would probably wise to not let your soon to be ex know that you are eager to start dating.
It wouldn’t be the first time a spouse deliberately held up a divorce just to stop their partner from starting to date again. Keep that information to yourself (which is yet another reason to not start dating until the marriage is officially over. It’s one less thing you can give your spouse to use against you).
One other very important thing to consider about starting to date again is your kids, if you have them. Having kids and starting to date can really be challenging. For one thing, there is always the concern that your kids will get attached to this new person in your life.
That may sound wonderful but if the two of you don’t work out it can be yet another loss for your child.
Also, if you are dating while still married, be very careful about overnight guests. Not only can dating at this stage present problems for you later in your divorce, if you have someone spend the night your ex can really make a case that you are an unfit parent and go for sole custody.
Dating while separated is really not a very good idea. If you just can’t wait any longer at least talk to your attorney and make sure you are protected as much as possible.
Dating With Children
How many times have you found the perfect woman or man to go out with, but you weren’t able to get a date because your babysitter couldn’t come over and watch your kids? You would never guess the amount of people that have to give up any chance of happiness because they can’t find someone to watch their children so that they could go out on a date. The sad truth is that there are a lot of single parents out there that would love to find someone to share their life with, but have a hard time finding a reliable babysitter.
Well, there are a couple of things that you can do to get around this little issue. Now, no one is blaming their kids because they can’t go out on dates. Not only is that wrong from a moral standpoint, but it’s just bad parenting if you think it’s your kids’ fault. You have to understand that you have a responsibility to your children and they should always come first no matter what. That doesn’t mean you have to give up dating all together, though. You can still go out and have some fun. You just need to know how.
The first thing you should do is try a babysitter. If you have a regular babysitter, then ask them if they can watch the children for you so you can go out for a date. If they have other plans, offer to pay them extra if you can. Usually the extra money will be sufficient enough for you to get your date planned out. Of course, that plan doesn’t always work out for you and you will need to try something else. You can always ask your family if they can watch your kids for you.
Grandparents love to babysit because it gives them the chance to spoil your children rotten and then send them back home. If you are lucky enough to have your parents living close by, you can ask them if they would be willing to watch the little ones for a bit while you go out. Resorting to family members for babysitting is a great way of letting your children spend more time with them as well. Everyone wins in that type of a situation. But what if you don’t have family nearby that can help or they just aren’t able to help you out at that specific time?
If you can’t get a babysitter and your family can’t watch them for you, then you only have one option left. You have to figure out a date that you can include your children on and make sure that the person you want to date is willing to give it a shot. Not only will this give you time to get to know this person, but it will allow your children to get to know them better as well. Anyone that isn’t willing to go on a date with your children probably isn’t someone you want around them all that much anyway.
Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience for many people. After all, you could be meeting your future spouse. It can also be a very vulnerable experience. The whole point of dating (usually) is to get to know someone else on an intimate level, or at least beginning this process. For whatever reason, and there are many, most people want to make a good first impression. At the very least, most people want to avoid rejection. Dating is a prime opportunity for this by its very nature. Whether you’re looking for a fun night out or a long term development, rejection can occur either way, and it can be difficult to deal with. Self-doubt can come in many forms, from questioning one’s intelligence to one’s looks to one’s ability to tell a good joke. Dating puts it all out there.
How can you increase your confidence when it comes to dating? There are a few things you can do, and certain methods are more appropriate for some people than others.
First Things First
A date is just a date. It is not the rest of your life. Yes, you may meet your future spouse, but this is far beyond the scope of the date. At this point, no matter how desperate you may be feeling to finally settle down, focus only on the date. Putting more pressure on it makes it harder for both of you. The other person is likely to sense your “desperation” (for lack of a better word), and you end up putting way to much pressure on yourself. Instead, try focusing on the date itself, not where it may or may not lead. Enjoy the time together, or, if you don’t, try to avoid blaming yourself and going into the litany of self-talk that tries to convince you that you’re not worth dating, you’ll never find someone, and that you’ll be single for the rest of your life.
Be Yourself
Yes, you’ve heard it many times before, and there’s a reason for it. If you do hit it off with the other person, it’s best if this happens when you’re being true to yourself. If you’re “faking” it, you’re then faced with coming forward and facing humiliation, rejection, or both, or continuing the facade. This takes a lot of effort, it’s dishonest, and you can’t keep it up for very long anyway. So whatever your faults, try not to hide them too much. This doesn’t mean that you put them all out on the table on the first date, but it also means that you don’t go to extreme measures trying to hide them or pretending to be something or someone you’re not.
Get Out of Yourself
To help deal with your insecurities about yourself, try focusing on the other person. Show a genuine interest in what he or she has to say. Be honest and courteous in your responses. Let the other person have the spotlight. Not only does this help keep you from focusing on your insecurities, it also helps accomplish what dates are meant to do–get to know someone else better. Ask questions, listen to the answers, and ask more. Talk about common interests when you find them. Above all, try to avoid talking about yourself the whole time or worrying too much about how you look, what you’re saying, and what type of impression you’re making.
Try Something Different
If the idea of sitting through a quiet dinner with someone you barely know makes you break out into a sweat, consider dating activities that involve a bit more involvement. Take a tour through a garden, go rollerblading, or do some other activity that keeps you moving. If you have something to do, you can focus less on feeling awkward and more on the conversation. It helps keep the atmosphere lighter as well, which can make you both feel more comfortable and confident.
Dating With Friendship Influences Can Cause Problems
Dating isn’t as easy as some people would have you believe, and having friendship involvement in your dating can make it even harder. We will assume that your friends mean well and only want what’s best for you, but if they start getting tangled in your romantic life, then it’s time to do something about it. Handling it the right way will prevent feelings from being hurt and will give you and your dating partner’s peace of mind.
The first thing you need to do is assess how much of a problem the friendship involvement in your dating really is. Perhaps you are being over-sensitive because you feel the need to defend your date. If so, this could make their innocent questions seem like an attack of some kind. Do your best to step away from the situation and look at it objectively. Your friends care about you, and may only be trying to prevent you from getting hurt.
Assuming they are butting in more than they have to (they are friends after all, so there will always be some butting in) then you need to make that stop. The big secret here is to talk about their behavior, and not their character. In other words, don’t be judgmental or make them sound like bad friends. Instead, mention the behavior that is causing you concern and keep the focus on that behavior.
The next step is to mention how their behavior makes you feel. If you’re a guy, then this can be a difficult thing to do, because your friends may tease you for being weak or too sensitive. However, this will eventually pass, and if it doesn’t, it may be time to hang out with a different group of friends. Either way, telling them how you feel it will help them to understand why their behavior is bothering you, and will give them an added reason to stop getting so involved in your romantic life.
Your friends will typically interfere for one of two reasons: they are jealous of the time you are spending with the new person in your life, or they think that this new person isn’t right for you. There is also a chance that these two reasons are intertwined. Your friends may not even be aware of their jealousy, so they warn you about the “trouble” this new person will cause you; all the while, they are blissfully unaware of their true motivations.
Of course there are also times when having your friends involved is a good thing. Remember, they have seen you in relationships before, and they can view your current situation more objectively than you can. When this happens you will need to weight their advice carefully. It may be unpleasant to hear what they have to say, but if it turns out to be true, then your friends may have saved you from a lot of hassle and heartache.
Friendship involvement in your dating isn’t an easy issue to deal with. The best thing is to keep in mind that they are your friends and for that reason alone, they deserve the benefit of the doubt.
For many singles, the trend toward group activities based on common interests breaks new ground in the dating arena. “In a sense, we’re going back to the future,” says Mary Vallone, President of Highlife Adventures (www.highlifeadventures.com). “It’s as though the ice cream social of the early 20th century has been kicked up several notches.”
In our fast-paced culture, people sometimes spend more time with a BlackBerry or iPhone than they do with real potential partners. Shared experiences and face-to-face interaction have almost become a thing of the past but is it what people really want? According to Vallone, an upscale social club for singles in Chicago and Indianapolis, “Men and women are stepping out from the anonymity of the online dating world and reclaiming their lives,” Vallone says. “Today’s singles not only want to meet people who share their interests, but they also want to share real-life experiences with like-minded potential mates.”
Vallone explains that her approach serves to bring people together in a pressure-free setting. “When you attend an event, you’re meeting people you already have something in common with and who are all there to meet you,” she says. “And, when you’re having fun, you let your guard down and are more likely to meet the right person.”
Indeed, Highlife Adventures’ 3,000 Chicagoland members would be hard-pressed to find an ice cream social among the over 65 activities planned each month. Those who crave adventure can go parasailing, caving, or experience being a fighter pilot for a day. Music aficionados can revel in a hot night of cool jazz or attend a rock star fantasy camp, while those with cultural interests can attend a performance of the Chicago Symphony or a Frank Lloyd Wright tour. Members who enjoy the club scene can participate in a trolley pub-crawl, a moonlight party cruise, or events like “Martinis and Manicures” or “Pots ‘n’ Shots Pottery Class.”
This new dating trend is in stark contrast to the bar scene of the 1980s, the one-on-one matching services of the 1990s, and the speed dating phenomena that peaked a few years ago. “Not all singles like to hang out in bars, many don’t care for the pressure of sequential one-on-one dates, and most people find that speed dating is too superficial,” says Vallone. And, while online dating may appeal to the college crowd, many of the 25- to 45-year-olds members have “been there, done that.” According to Vallone, “Meeting people online can be fun, but also fraught with pitfalls. Singles fare better when they put down the mouse, get out of the house, and meet people face-to-face. We prescreen each member in person and have a company representative at each event to help ensure positive experiences by everyone.”
Ultimately, Vallone concludes, “We don’t match anyone. Instead, we provide unique, fun events where groups of singles can meet one another and find what they seek – whether it’s a friend, a date, or a soulmate.”
Some of these guys seem really confused when they see so many beauties at Oksanalove.com web-site. All of those fabulous ladies also look for someone to share the rest of their lives with, and of course they also can be selective in their preferences. That’s why many men ask the question: can I or should I correspond with one lady or several of them at the same time.
Gentlemen who are so keen to find his special online feel a little discomfort if they’re dating a few brides at once. But at the same time they perfectly understand that they have to make a lifetime decision and choose the right one to trust their destiny to.
People may have different points of view on this issue what actually makes the thing worse. It makes guys torn over prospective with no confidence which’s correct.
On the one hand, for some guys it seems appropriate to get to know several ladies because they have more chances to have “love chemistry” with at least one. Some afraid that if they write to one Online bride and then find no chemistry in the personal meeting, then it all will have been a waste of their time, money and the most horrible – end of their dream.
The most complicated thing for guys dating several online is that each of these women is great, and men do not want to be wrong or hurt any of them without knowing in person. Some fear that each might feel that she has found “chemistry” with him. Any guy who simultaneously experiences several online affairs can get an increasing sense that each one of his ladies is feeling that their written relationship is becoming more serious.
It’s very common that a man usually starts his online wife- search being in touch with multiple girls who he thinks as potentially having a chance to be the queen of his heart. Then, most of the guys narrow it down to just two or even one lady before making a visit. It just naturally happens that during the long months of correspondence some girl may find another guy whom she thinks is more alluring for her. Some men intentionally do The Three-Way Conference Calls to be sure about the feeling they and their potential wives share, of course to get rid of some concerns and doubts. So, when a guy orders a call in the agency he accounts to guess things from what he hears and than, he is also able to follow the girl’s reaction in a live talk.
But do the ladies understand that their online fiances may date other girls from their agency as well? The ladies usually guess they are not the only brides their men writing to. But they also truly understand that as for themselves as for their men it’s a lifetime decision and the right choice can be vitally important. That’s why all the ladies try to be as much sincere as possible. They all believe in their uniqueness and really hope their true nature and personality are going to work. Many of them the same as their men believe that they can truly determine a “soul mate” from letters but still the face-to-face date is needed to find the personal love chemistry.
So, the best advice here can be – just listen to your heart. And if it says that this is the special person you were looking for to get merry with, than go for it. But if there still some little doubts, and you want some insurance, than choose another one female whom you find interesting and you feel you would like to know her better. And than, while visiting your you can also have another date that will make yourself comfortable and confident with your decision.
Dating Young Women – A Guide for Older Guys
Dating young women is a particular challenge for guys. If you are dating women who are under the age of 25 and you are 7 or more years older than she is, you need to read this article on dating young women.
There is a stereotype that women who date older men are gold diggers. But, this applies to very few women. Actually, many young women are just out to have a good time. They are not looking for marriage. If you happen to be attracted to a younger woman, you need to play into this “good time image.”
Younger women are more whimsical, flirty, passionate, and romantic than their older sisters. They’re less ready to settle down and have children. You will get a lot of mileage out of having a youthful outlook. Being recklessly spontaneous, maintaining a high level of energy, and focusing on the emotional connections will go a long way to helping you with dating young women.
To this end, you can’t be emotionally needy when dating young women. For instance, if you were dating a woman near your own age, you would pick up the phone every time she called. You might return her text within 5 minutes. A younger woman doesn’t need this kind of intensity. You can wait to return a text or let a call go to voice mail.
Many men who are dating young women are conscious of the age difference and are insecure about being older. This will actually hasten the break up. Don’t bring up the issue of age unless she does. Also, don’t make cracks about her youth or about “cradle snatching.” Don’t refer to yourself as her “daddy.” When you are unfazed about the age difference, she will be too.
As an older man, you have several advantages over the frat boy guys she is used to dating.
You have more experience. You are interested in things beyond the latest video game release. You make more money and can take her to more upscale places.
You are also more sexually sophisticated. You will know how to satisfy her in bed and be more in tune with her needs.
Men mature more slowly than women, which may be why so many young women look to date older men. They are looking for someone in their same range of emotional development.
Dating young women isn’t just a modern thing either. In every society across all time, there has been a gap in the average age of coupling men and women. While in the United States right now, that gap is a mere 2 years, in many societies that gap ranges from an average of 5 to 15 years.
If you are interested in dating young women be aware that there are challenges posed because of societal expectations and conditioning. However, there are many advantages to dating young women.